After something major happens I always want to try to return to normal. I always want to feel like I did before and even behave the way I did before..maybe it's a comfort thing. There are a few things I've learned lately about "normal". One, which was particularly surprising, is that it's constantly changing. The normal I knew before college could not possibly be the same normal that I experience after college. If it were, there would have been no purpose in going to college because it would mean that nothing had changed..nothing had happened to change the way I think and feel. I didn't learn this until a few weeks ago. I returned to Venezuela after two weeks at home and wanted nothing more than to go back to normal. I wanted to just get back into ministry, back into our community and back into the strength and minimal concerns I had before my father was sick. There arose so much tension within me because no matter how hard I fought to make things the way they were before, nothing seemed to want to go back. I found that everything was different, including myself..and the solution wasn't to try to make everything like it was before I went home. God had given me a new normal. A "normal" in which my faith was stronger and my joy in God was deeper. This new normal is better.
Another thing I learned about normal is that it can become a sort of safety net that we use to protect against the vulnerability that often comes with difficulties. I thought that if I could just return to normal my weaknesses wouldn't be as evident to everyone, although I felt very weak. I didn't want to be the girl who was struggling to be fully engaged where she was because she just wanted to be with her family. But I had to learn that my weakness was okay and that in the midst of it God desires to make Himself known. My struggles and God's goodness through them have given me empathy and compassion I did not have in my old normal. I now think that those major life events bring change for the better and they allow us to move beyond ourselves and deeper into God.
"But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead" 2 Corinthians 1:9
Thursday, March 24, 2011
love and prayers
"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." John 4:12
I've never seen God, but I know Him better because of the love shown to me by friends and family over the past two months. Throughout my Dad's stay in the hospital and in the months since, I have felt God's nearness through visits, encouragement, phone calls, and many other things. I can't express the depths of love that I've known through this time. I've always read and even sung about the heights and depths of God's love. I believed it, but could not fathom just how great it is. I don't think we'll ever fully comprehend it, but I know that we can experience it more and more. We can keep experiencing the love deeper and deeper, higher and higher. And as God enables us to do that we are able to love Him all the more and love one another more. We can be a part of seeing His love be made complete in others.
"pray continually"
1 Thessalonians 5"17
The greatest way I experienced God's love recently is through the prayers of people all over the world for my father and my family. There were people praying in Venezuela, Kenya, Europe, all over the US and many other places. There is such a sweet peace that fills your heart when you know that people are praying with so much faith and hope. It is beautiful when people pray continually. God heard our prayers and healed my father. My Dad continues to recover at home and is doing well. Thank you so much for being in this with my family and praying for us.
I've never seen God, but I know Him better because of the love shown to me by friends and family over the past two months. Throughout my Dad's stay in the hospital and in the months since, I have felt God's nearness through visits, encouragement, phone calls, and many other things. I can't express the depths of love that I've known through this time. I've always read and even sung about the heights and depths of God's love. I believed it, but could not fathom just how great it is. I don't think we'll ever fully comprehend it, but I know that we can experience it more and more. We can keep experiencing the love deeper and deeper, higher and higher. And as God enables us to do that we are able to love Him all the more and love one another more. We can be a part of seeing His love be made complete in others.
"pray continually"
1 Thessalonians 5"17
The greatest way I experienced God's love recently is through the prayers of people all over the world for my father and my family. There were people praying in Venezuela, Kenya, Europe, all over the US and many other places. There is such a sweet peace that fills your heart when you know that people are praying with so much faith and hope. It is beautiful when people pray continually. God heard our prayers and healed my father. My Dad continues to recover at home and is doing well. Thank you so much for being in this with my family and praying for us.
Miracles happen
If you had asked me two months ago whether I believed in miracles, I probably would have told you yes. And I did, but only in that generic way that says, "Jesus turned water into wine. Of course miracles happen!" But I didn't really believe in them in a way that prays believing they will happen. I had never personally experienced something where I needed a miracle so it was enough for me to believe with my mind and not my heart.
When I got on a plane in February to go home after a call telling me that my Dad was in the ICU and unresponsive, I didn't know what to pray. The doctors had told my Mom and younger sister that he was brain dead and there was nothing we could do but wait and hope. I didn't know what to hope for. I confess that it was hard for me to have hope. I began to take comfort in knowing that my Dad knows Jesus as his Savior and that we could be sure he would go to heaven if he died. I also began to fear that if (and this was a weak if for me) he did wake up he would never be the same again because of the brain damage. I also feared what would happen to my family, to my Mom especially. All I could do was cry out to God..asking that He would help me walk through whatever happened with Him..asking that He would please give us more time with my Dad. I prayed not knowing that to expect but knowing that I had to trust God.
Over the past few years of my life, a major lesson I've been learning is that God is good no matter what. No matter how hard life gets, He is unchanging and I can praise Him in any circumstance. I think that in some ways I allowed that to keep me from praying big prayers and from praying them with hope. I figured, if things will be okay no matter what and since God loves to throw challenges my way, why pray that hard? There are so many distortions here that God surfaced I can't even explain them all, but let me say that challenges are good and God uses the hardest things in our lives to strengthen our faith and make us more like Christ. And He does long to bless us. He is able to bless us beyond what we can imagine. Sometimes that blessing is through difficulties and sometimes it's through the good things, through miracles.
I arrived home on Tuesday and went straight to the hospital to see my Dad. The next couple days were spent at the hospital, watching, waiting..and trying to hope. On Thursday we walked in and he was awake and sitting up in bed talking! It was a surreal moment..the doctors were all amazed and we were overwhelmed with joy. We are so blessed.
Miracles do happen. We don't know why God choses to make them happen in some cases and in other cases He seems to leave us hanging. I believe that when God doesn't give us a miracle it's not because He can't. I know He can. I think it's because there is another work that He is doing and we shouldn't give up on Him or think that He has given up on us. And when He does give us a miracle we should never stop saying thank you and living with hope.
When I got on a plane in February to go home after a call telling me that my Dad was in the ICU and unresponsive, I didn't know what to pray. The doctors had told my Mom and younger sister that he was brain dead and there was nothing we could do but wait and hope. I didn't know what to hope for. I confess that it was hard for me to have hope. I began to take comfort in knowing that my Dad knows Jesus as his Savior and that we could be sure he would go to heaven if he died. I also began to fear that if (and this was a weak if for me) he did wake up he would never be the same again because of the brain damage. I also feared what would happen to my family, to my Mom especially. All I could do was cry out to God..asking that He would help me walk through whatever happened with Him..asking that He would please give us more time with my Dad. I prayed not knowing that to expect but knowing that I had to trust God.
Over the past few years of my life, a major lesson I've been learning is that God is good no matter what. No matter how hard life gets, He is unchanging and I can praise Him in any circumstance. I think that in some ways I allowed that to keep me from praying big prayers and from praying them with hope. I figured, if things will be okay no matter what and since God loves to throw challenges my way, why pray that hard? There are so many distortions here that God surfaced I can't even explain them all, but let me say that challenges are good and God uses the hardest things in our lives to strengthen our faith and make us more like Christ. And He does long to bless us. He is able to bless us beyond what we can imagine. Sometimes that blessing is through difficulties and sometimes it's through the good things, through miracles.
I arrived home on Tuesday and went straight to the hospital to see my Dad. The next couple days were spent at the hospital, watching, waiting..and trying to hope. On Thursday we walked in and he was awake and sitting up in bed talking! It was a surreal moment..the doctors were all amazed and we were overwhelmed with joy. We are so blessed.
Miracles do happen. We don't know why God choses to make them happen in some cases and in other cases He seems to leave us hanging. I believe that when God doesn't give us a miracle it's not because He can't. I know He can. I think it's because there is another work that He is doing and we shouldn't give up on Him or think that He has given up on us. And when He does give us a miracle we should never stop saying thank you and living with hope.
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| with my Dad and younger sister |
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